If My Life Was Made Into a Reality Show…

I think it’d be a huge snooze-fest. I understand that for the most part a lot of reality shows are staged and scripted and whatnot, but there has to be some precedent there that makes for an interesting life. I feel like if it just came down to your background/environment/surroundings, my circumstances wouldn’t be the worst candidate for a reality show. However, for something to be about my life, my interactions and relationships…honestly I don’t know how much memory space and rolls of tape would be wasted on me.

I’m not vying for the Kardashian lifestyle here – I’m blessed to have the friends that I have and be able to travel to many places, but I’m almost sure that it’s not in my nature to have a drama-filled life. I tend not to associate myself with highly dramatic people or place myself in situations of high intensity, so for the most part it’s my own preference. However, I would be lying if I said that I never second-guessed this relatively PG, some may even consider lackluster way of life. It’s partly because I feel like I’ve set myself up in a comfort zone where things can get boring and it’s easy to miss the party, but it’s also the comfort zone that makes stepping out of it that much more daunting.

99% of it is in my head. My ability to over-think everything, my sarcastic and cynical viewpoints (because optimism hasn’t worked out so far), and my fear of becoming too emotional or vulnerable. Drop the theme of being unlucky in romance and step back to view me as a whole…how is this identity going to be shaped in the future and how will my current one affect the direction of the future?

For the most part, this blog is a place for me to drop (most of) my inhibitions and just have no shame. Make fun of what I want, talk about what I like or don’t like, slip into and soak up the life of a spinster. The entire time I’ve been writing this post, I’ve also been pondering what I should set the visibility as, since it’s the first (of few I hope) “serious” posts that I have made. I thought about private, but then this post may as well not have been published. I thought about password protected and showing it to a select few friends, but I feel like that’s placing too much vulnerability and weight into it. Then I thought about making it public, since it’s not their views I fear, but the ones in between strangers and close friends.

But for what it’s worth, I have decided to make it public, since their (strangers’) views are the ones I seek the most. I doubt that it’s even going be a big deal, but this is just a tiny glimpse into how I reach decisions and what my thoughts consist of. Hey, at least it shows that boring spinsters can be cray cray too – just not the kind of crazy that most people are used to.

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